Broken Strings
by Bunnylass
Summary: Sequel to Cowboys. It's been two weeks since Suze walked out on Jesse. Leaving him confused, broken and angry. Now it's time for Jesse to step up and admit their faults. And try to salvage a relationship that's slowly killing them both, together or apart.
1. Broken Strings

_**Disclaimer:**_ The Mediator belongs to Meg Cabot. Lyrics aren't mine either.

_**Rating:**_ T

_**Summary:**_ Sequel to '_Where Have All The Cowboys Gone_'. It's been two weeks since Suze walked out on Jesse. Leaving him confused, broken and angry. But now it's time for Jesse to step up and admit his faults. And try to salvage a relationship that's slowly killing them both, together or apart.

_**A/N**_: Thanks for reading, the next part will be up soon. Please review **:)**

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_Let me hold you, For the last time, It's the last chance to feel again, But you broke me, Now I can't feel anything..._

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_**Broken Strings**_

The music of the club banged and vibrated through me. The air was stuffy and choked from the amount of bodies crowding the place. Pushing and shoving their way around other people. Some laughing off a drink getting spilled over them. Others deliberately picking a fight just to get rid of the excess energy the alcohol and music wasn't doing. And I took this all in with bleary uncaring eyes. Stuck in my cushioned seat closer to the dance floor than I wanted to be. Appealing woman sending me flirtatious, come-hither looks that was supposed to make me go to them. But I just shrugged off their attention. All with my friends eyeing me curious and frustratingly.

Someone fell into the seat next to me with a laugh. Swaying and knocking into me as I lifted a hand to take a swig from my beer bottle. But the collision had made it tip down my white shirt. The fluorescent blue from the lighting made the stain stand out even more. Clenching my fist, I started to feel the first stirrings of annoyance spring to fruition. I'd been darkly mulling and brooding for the past two weeks. And tonight, after being pushed and shoved out my door to come here by my friends; I was just looking for an excuse to let off some steam. My patience with people's blatant disrespect and inability to handle alcohol, not to mention everything else; finally snapping like a twig.

Scowling, I set the half full or half empty bottle onto the low glass table holding numerous other glasses and drinks. The man who'd fell into me got pulled back up to his feet and laughed at. I stood from my own stationary position and glared at the drunken man. My arms tense and coiled for action. He turned to look at me, laughing when he caught sight of the stain on my shirt. His friends laughing along with them. I took one deliberate step forward, my fist raised and pulled back ready to strike.

"Whoa!"

Just as I was about to throw my weight into knocking the drunken idiotic man to the ground, I felt arms wrap and curl around under my own and over my shoulders. Pulling me back as I sneered and struggled to release some anger on the man starting to realize he was about to be made mince meat of. "Jesse, stand down!" I narrowed my eyes at the man who stepped in front of me, blocking my view of my ignorant victim, sobering up quicker than he would have considering.

"Hey man, look. It was an accident!" His friends stepped up to his side, vouching for him too. I ground my jaw together to stop the scathing remark sure to burst out on my lips. It probably wouldn't have been heard anyway. The music was going up if that was even possible. And shouting was the only way to be heard over the beat and thumping of the club. I growled, needing to lash out and hit something. Or someone. But I wouldn't go through my friend to do it.

"Just take your friends and go!" Cameron, standing in front of me, shouted, turning back to glare at the drunken man. Now that he'd gotten over his shock that he was about to get into a brawl, with no understanding as to why; he was gearing up to enter it full on.

"No way! I didn't do anything and you fucking know it!" He glared, jabbing a finger in Cam's face to emphasize his point. His friends chorused and cheered him on. Making people around us start to turn and watch the fight soon to break out, if the men didn't listen or back down from Cameron's request. "He's the one who should be leaving! We were here first!" I could feel the sticky coldness of the drink he'd spilled onto me, without so much as an apology, against my skin. I looked down seeing the stain spread and felt my annoyance fuel.

It wasn't pure anger with what he'd done. It happened in clubs. You had to expect it when you're in a crowded place where you can't do anything but bump into each other. And I probably would have been okay if the man had heeded the warning and backed down. But he wasn't. And the growing anger, hate and disgust I'd been harbouring for myself for the past couple of miserable weeks, was coming out the only way I knew how. Drinking down my sorrows and killing and numbing the pain, by hurting someone else. A new development I'd mastered in the years I'd been with Susannah.

Just the thought of her had me roaring with fury. The sound made Cameron wince and the man holding me back to tighten his hold. Other than my two friends and the man I was currently ready to rip into, the cry was drowned out by a particularly heavy drum beat in the music. But the sound was primal, hurting and furious.

"Like I said," Cameron spat through clenched teeth. "Back off. You don't want to go against him. You _really_ don't."

The man visible swallowed after taking one glance at me, seeing the fury and rage on my face. My need to smash and destroy anyone who pushed the wrong buttons. This, unfortunately for him, had done. His friends caught on and soon started pulling him away. Telling him it wasn't worth it. When we all knew they just didn't want to take whatever I dished out. It was rare I would pick a fight deliberately. I would stand side-by-side with my friends and help to defend them. And other than the quietly spoken word into someone's ear, which'd been trailing and gazing after Susannah all night, I would leave it alone.

But Susannah has changed me, in more ways than one.

Once he was gone and his friends were out of my direct sight, Cameron turned back to me and shook his head. My breathing was heavy and uncontrolled. My eyes flashing with fury that even as he looked at me with pity, was starting to ebb and pull away. A new dejected Jesse coming through. Someone who I didn't even recognize as myself anymore. It was like I was a ghost or phantom of my former self. The before and the after. No in-between and no solution. And the more time I'm apart from her, the more it feels like I'm losing that first incarnation anyway.

I was losing it with Susannah. And it was killing me without her.

"What the fuck is wrong with you!?" Cameron yelled, looking as though he'd enjoy nothing more than to give me my own beating. Maybe he should, just to knock my world back into balance and bring back a spark of the man I was once before. It's terrifying how Susannah makes me feel small and inferior in seconds. But on the next breath, I feel like the greatest, most powerful man in the world; just because Susannah loves me.

How did she _get_in? How did I _let_her in? And how do I get her _back_?

I pulled and shrugged off Connor. "Get off me!" I grouched, brushing down my shirt and dropping to my seat again. Exhausted, weary and spent. The adrenaline rush that had been humming through me was gone. And in its place, was a shaking, pale and drawn me. I ran a trembling hand through my hair as I lifted my head and grabbed the bottle of beer on the table. Trying anything to numb the pain that little bit longer. Downing the rest of the bottle, I felt it threaten to recoil and rebel against my empty body. But I always had had an iron stomach and I just sat back against the couch as the waves of dizzying sickness passed.

Cameron sat opposite me while Connor walked up to the bar. Shooting me a glance as he left. "What the hell's happened to you man?" Cam asked, leaning forward to stare into my face. "The last couple of weeks have been nothing but a drag. It's like Suze ripped your soul out and gave it back to in pieces. Tell me this isn't because of her?" All I did was raise my eyes to his. Not nodding, but not denying it either. He blew out a breath and grabbed his own drink again. A disgusted look on his face as he caught my eye.

"You've never been this hung up on her when you've split like this before. So why now? What's so different about this time? Apart from the fact you're better off without her. You're the worst matched couple I've ever fucking seen."

I knew Cameron had mixed feelings about Susannah. And she shared the same for him. Their mutual distaste for each other was something we all got used to. But his firm belief that the whole state of our relationship was Susannah's fault; just made a deep sadness and guilt come over me.

I took the beer Connor brought with him and fingered it in my hands. Rolling the cool bottle between my palms as I tried to find enthusiasm to drink it. "I don't think she's coming back this time," I answered eventually. Raising my eyes to Cam's disbelieving ones. "It's not like the others. I don't know how, but . . . " I raised the bottle and tried to wash away the rising emotion choking my throat. But it did nothing but burn and turn to poison in my mouth. I pulled down the bottle and looked at it. This wasn't even helping. It wasn't making me forget.

"What you need, bud," Connor grinned, eyeing the blond who'd been trying to put on a private show for me ever since I walked in. But I'd barely noticed her. "Is to go and wash off the stain of Suze, with that hot babe checkin' you. That'll make you forget about her and move on." I sneered at his supposed all knowing look. My stomach roiling at just the thought of doing something like that. Knowing, all I'd want was _Susannah_in my arms. _Susannah_ calling my name. Not some cheap girl to wash away the pain.

As hard as it would be for Susannah or anyone else to believe; I've never cheated on her. And I don't plan to start now.

The growing air of disinterest and lack of understanding on my friends part, made me place my full bottle down on the glass table with a clink and rise to my feet. Grabbing my black leather jacket from the back of the couch and shrugging into it. Cameron stood too, and Connor just gaped at me. "Where are you going? The nights not even started yet!" Flicking my collar up, I gave him a levelling gaze. Knowing exactly what was running through his mind. Because it was running through mine too.

'_Suze's made you weak. She's changed you, man_,'

I could hear it as loudly as if he'd shouted it over the full club. In front of all these strangers just looking for a good time, I couldn't join them in. "I'm going," I nodded to Connor. "You'll have a better night than having to pull me away from starting fights anyway. I'll come out some other time." I didn't wait around for him to say anything, as I turned and walked through the whithering hyper bodies of everyone crowding around me. I had a feeling the possible fight I was referring too, would have been with them before the end of the night. Their blatant disrespect for Susannah stung with their words.

I broke out through the door, stumbled a couple of steps before I managed to catch my balance. Taking in deep drags of the cool air licking my skin and face. When I raised my eyes to the night sky, I saw patches of stars breaking through the clouds threatening rain. That was how our relationship was like. Stormy, wild and depressing. But then, just like the stars, it offered peace, understanding and a deep knowledge that we're part of something unbreakable and strong. But that realization as I looked up at the patchy night sky wouldn't help me now. I was on my own, and I had no idea where to start.

I pulled the collar of my jacket up and around my neck. Fighting back the wind whipping at my hair and loose clothes. The wet stain on my shirt stuck to my skin from the breeze plastering it there. I started off for my apartment. Passing by drunken people out for a good time. Hanging off each other as they filtered from one party to the next. Passing by couples hand in hand as they took a midnight stroll, not knowing where, and not caring. I felt a pang of envy and jealousy at how relaxed and at peace they seemed with one another. Images and flashed memories of our times, making the pain burn deeper. Leaving a scarred and brittle symbol where my heart and soul used to be.

Now just a broken husk of a man. One brought down by the last thing I ever expected or agreed to have.

The rain started soon into my trek home. The fine drizzle that was more like mist but worse than a downpour, made my leather jacket feel heavy and stiff. And the cold seeped far deeper than the clothing and skin contact. It went bone deep. Mind, body and soul deep. I hailed a taxi as soon as I could. Flagging one down that pulled over and waited for me to run up to it. Sliding into the back seat, I rattled off my broken address and sat back to watch the lights and blurred images of the scenery pass me by. It wasn't my home anymore. It wouldn't be again, until Susannah walked back through my door and refused to close it behind herself again. Until then, I was just a loiterer invading someone else's life.

The taxi pulled up to my apartment building and I leaned forward to give him some bills from my pocket. Not knowing or caring what I had just handed the man and climbed out. I stood in front of the building and stared up at the looming mountain as the car drove away. The rain was coming down harder now, and I just turned my face up to it. Trying to let it wash away all that had happened in the past couple of weeks, Susannah hadn't returned. It was ironic all the times I seethed with wishing I'd never tumbled into us. When now, standing before our own building, I wanted nothing more than to hear our heated words between breaking furniture. To see her eyes the next morning as we both silently apologized and pretended it'd never happened.

I want the life Susannah pulled me into, back.

Feeling the shiver run through me, I turned away from the rain and made my way up to the doors. Letting myself in as I walked over to the elevator. Jabbing the call button repeatedly until the doors opened and let me into its small caged box. I pressed our floor number and leaned back against the wall facing the doors. My head hitting the panelling with a dull thump as the elevator slowly took me up. The adrenaline was completely gone. Even my anger for my friends and their attitudes was gone by now. I just wanted to close the door, fall into bed and hope that when I woke in the morning, Susannah would be there beside me.

I slowly raised my head and opened my eyes when the doors opened at last. My feet dragged me out of the caged box and pulled me down the hall towards our door. My keys jangling as I pulled them from my pocket and tried to focus on the key-hole. Quietly, I swung open the door, rubbing the heels of my hands into my eyes to rid me of my aching, gritty tiredness. I stepped into the entrance hall, dropping my keys onto the side table and softly closed the door. When I turned back, I thought I picked up on the subtly hint and musk of Susannah's perfume clinging to the air.

Closing my eyes, I savoured the scent. The way I could slowly take it in as she glided past me in the morning on her way to work. The faint lingering hints of it still clinging to the skin of her neck in the evening. Where my mouth and lips would descend onto the sensitive skin there. Inhaling the subtle fragrance that screamed '_Woman_'. The maturity of the heady musk made men's heads turn as she walked past. That made my senses twitch when she laughed lightly and let me take the last traces of the hue for myself.

A stake and a claim on Susannah she never backed down from.

I'd believed it was a testament to how tired I was, that I would pick up on something so small. But when I opened my eyes from my memory and longing and saw her black woollen coat draped over the back of our couch. Her bag settled on top of that and her shoes kicked off near-by, full alertness came slamming back into me abruptly. I listened out with careful acuteness as I slid my own jacket down my arms and settled it next to Susannah's on the back of the couch. I turned back to the scent that was getting stronger, the further I followed it. My steps reserved and frightened of what I might find.

I stopped before our bedroom door, partially open with a thin hue slanting across the floor, like a ray of light. Or hope. I softly pushed open the door and looked up at the slender back and figure of Susannah standing at our dresser. Her shoulders shaking, suppressing the crying and choked sobs I heard in the blistering quiet. Feeling my own heart breaking, the more I watched the vulnerable show before me. My eyes riveted to her back as a realization sucker punched me.

'_We can't continue the way we are_,'

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_Oh what are we doing, We are turning into dust, Playing house in the ruins of us, Running back through the fire, When there's nothing left to save, It's like chasing the very last train when it's too late..._

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	2. If She Knew

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'_Got to find a way to tell her how I feel before it is over, __I guess I could have done things better, I never should have let it get this far__, s__he's all ready to give up and move on...__'_

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_**If She Knew**_

When I was younger I was indestructible. I've always been strong willed and determined when I put my mind to it. If I said I could do something, I would do it. If someone told me I wasn't allowed, then it just spurred me on to do it more. I've always had too much confidence in myself. Too much of everything that just clouded my mind. The world couldn't hurt me if I hurt it first. That was the way I looked at it. That had been what got me through the arguments with my parents. What made me tolerate school and prove them all wrong by going onto college. I was looked up to for my unshakable confidence. Admired for being so aloof and untouchable.

But mostly, out of all of it, I always craved what I couldn't have. I always pursued the ones that acted as if I didn't bother or affect them. That I couldn't charm my way into their lives. The ones who tried to play hard to get. I fell into relationships that were fun for a while after the catch. But as soon as they got too personal, or started asking me before they could do things, started spending more time together than apart; and I would run the opposite way. I didn't want to hear the four letter word. Back then, there was no such thing to me. Just an empty sentiment people threw around too candidly. I was young. All I wanted was some fun. All I wanted was a life.

I was the man the guys envied for being able to smooth talk or charm my way out or into something. I was the man the girls wanted and lusted after from a far. I had the world at my feet and I wasn't slowing down for no-one. I was wild, unabashed and most importantly, I was free. I could go home at the end of the night and sink into me. I could ignore my friends for a few days and just stock up on the things people don't know about me. Let the exhaustion pass, from the freedom I was running with. I was like a stallion running through a meadow with nothing but the wind at my face and the sun on my back. Nothing could catch me with the speed I was racing.

I was un-tameable.

But the first moment I caught sight of Susannah, I knew she would be different from the others. I didn't why or how. I just knew it deep down, in the back of my mind when I normally ignored it. I had no time for wandering about the mysteries of life. I didn't want to contemplate on what someone said or didn't say. I wanted to learn the rules of living as I did it. I had no time for the possible problems I could have. Why worry? As clichéd as it sounded, I wanted to enjoy each day as it came. Not dwell on what I could or shouldn't have done. That's what others, who go grey early and have middle-aged break-downs, were for. I was twenty-two, what did I need to concern myself over? So I ignored the voice of reason and logic.

I'd seen her around. Out with her friends on a weekend. Walking into the cafe where I would be sitting at a table nursing my coffee and potential hang-over from the night before. I barely spared her a glance, because she never showed up on my radar. She never looked in my direction and I never lingered on hers. Until that fateful day, when she did. That one chance of her eyes meeting my own across a sea of people. When it happened in the past with other woman, my instant heart-melting smile would be in place. A secretive smirk that could strip a woman bare with one glance. And they would do the rest. But it wasn't like that with Susannah.

The grin never appeared at first.

The glance was held for barely seconds. But it was enough. And it tempted my senses. I'd seen her brush men off showing her attention. My own friends trying their own luck on approaching her. Only to walk away with a wounded pride, ego and scowl. There was what had made me look at her harder. I've known girls to brush off my attention, claiming they didn't go for my 'type'. As if there is one. But for all their excuses and attempts to dissuade me, it never took long for them to succumb. Alerting me that they were just playing an act, they knew I was known for.

But Susannah was the real deal. When she said no, she meant it. She didn't flirt and play along just to walk away at the end with no explanation. There was no teasing from her, or hinting at the possibility she was thinking about it. Just a short blunt answer, no. She told me I couldn't give her what she wanted. That she knew she would never find the man she wants in me. And that only encouraged me more. Made me try harder. Made me change tactics to show her the possibility that I could. All knowing that once I was finished with her that would be it. She would join the other notches on my bedpost, along with many others. And she knew this, even as I crept and crept.

I appealed to her in some way. I knew I did. The way she would laugh at my dry humor. How she would watch curiously when I would talk with a child. Susannah saw more of the quiet, lonely Jesse, before I'd even added her as a conquest. She had a way of making me drop the guard without always realizing I was doing it. Sometimes it was on purpose to tempt her in. But more often than I knew, it was real. Just like what Susannah was. Real. There was no heavy act to her. No falseness that I'd rid myself of with the others. She made me want her more. Made that hunger growl out of control. And each time, I was breaking her bit by bit.

Until finally I got what I wanted.

I don't know how long it took me to realize I was never sated. That the hunger hadn't been fulfilled with Susannah. That if anything, she made me more ravenous and wild. She drove me crazy and I still called back for more. The time period for how long I would normally be with a woman, had come and gone with Susannah. And still, she never approached me with anything other than what we both desired. And maybe there was the problem. She wasn't playing by the rules that were stated she should have come and gone. She wasn't making me avoid her presence; she was making me ache for it. Crave more or her. I wanted to see her more nights than I should have done. I wanted to introduce her to my friends. And that wasn't what I was supposed to do. We were supposed to be a casual thing.

The months dragged on, as we both slipped into something unfamiliar and disconcerting. Susannah with more ease than I found it. I wanted to push her away and demand why she wasn't saying what I was expecting. I wanted to fling her aside and deal with my anger for her making me feel that horrible tightness in my chest. That concern and jealousy when she wasn't answering my calls. That burning hate when a man looked at her in any other way than friendly. I wanted her around me when I was lonely. I didn't want to spend those days and nights alone, when I could have had someone willingly there with me.

But her demands could be just as fierce as my own. We're stubborn, determined and flawed. Everything about our relationship is flawed. I laughed at my friends who said I was whipped. There was no such thing. Jesse De Silva isn't tamed by anyone. No-one slows me down and calls me back to them. I was free. And that's where the lines blurred. Because some days Susannah could be that beautiful golden glow in the corner of my eye. Making my attention waver. Like a siren on the ocean, calling the sailors to their death. But she was also that laughing, loving mare running alongside me. Just as unchecked and out of control as I was.

And both blinded me from the truth.

I felt the power and frustration streaming through her when the fights got too much. I saw the hurt in her eyes as I retaliated. That anger I felt from being trapped by her would always raise its head and make me snap. Make me throw accusations, excuses and half truths in her face. Her own wounding me just as deep as I plunged my own dagger. That hate always running beneath us grew and expanded. She hated me for not living up to what she wanted. She hated me for luring her in and not letting her escape before it got too late. And I in turn, hated her for what she made me. For making me say and mean that word thrown around too easily.

But it burnt worse, because I knew it was the truth and I couldn't live without it.

I walked away too many times. Because I always knew, every time I returned home, she would be there and it would all be brushed aside. All it took was a look, a touch or a word whispered into her ear. Each time was a slash across my heart and my soul. A dagger of her own kind, twisting and digging deeper. I was long past wanting it ever removed. For as much as I said it was over. For every time I used my charm to cause my own scars, I never meant it when I said didn't love her. And I had no doubt, she felt the same. Susannah tried to stop it progressing to as far as it got. I see that now. She wanted to talk, I didn't want to listen. I wanted to play and she didn't want to co-operate.

I tried warning her a long time ago to stop falling. But she was as power-less as I was.

And now I'm nothing. I can barely re-call what I was like before. The Jesse De Silva gliding his way through life, without a care in the world. Who brushed off danger and laughed in the face of it. Who lured who and what I wanted. I was a broken man when Susannah wasn't there. I was shrinking in height, the more we both gave-in to one or another. I wanted the old me back. The old Jesse, who wouldn't have given a damn I left her behind crying. Who could have taken the offers from other woman, without a second thought or glance at Susannah. If it was the old me, I wouldn't be where I was then. Dying with the strength of being with her. But bleeding with the pain without her.

"Susannah,"

She took in a shuddering breath when she heard my raspy whisper behind her. Her back straightening and her sobs halting. She raised her head and stared at the wall. Her hands trembling so badly on the open draw she was standing in front of, the dresser was shaking. Her perfume bottles and accessories moving and tinkling across the surface. My eyes burned into the back of her. While that same hunger I've never been relieved from, burnt and seared my blood. She seemed to tense further, the more heated and desperate my look became. The longer I stood in silence in the doorway of our room. Blocking her exit.

She turned her head to the side slightly, acknowledging I was there. "What are you doing here?" She asked, her voice broken and caught. She shook her head and cleared her throat when I went to answer her. "Stupid question, never mind." She took another deep breath. It sounded like it was costing her. "I thought you'd be out with your friends. That's why I came here."

I was burning to walk into the room and take her into my arms. To lay her on the bed and cherish her. To make up for the two weeks I haven't been able to feel her. Haven't been able to see past all the hurt, anger and hate. Where I could look down into the pure reason we were where we are. But my fists curled at my side to stop myself. It wouldn't work this time. I know that, no matter how much my pride tells me otherwise. Susannah needs something else. Something I've never given her.

"I was," I answered her unspoken question; she didn't have the courage to voice. The question that would shatter the careful distance she was trying to keep between us. "But I left them back at the club."

She snorted and resumed what she was doing before. Looking through her drawers for something. We both knew she was stalling. "I'll be out of your way soon," She mumbled to the drawer. Slamming that one closed and ripping open another one. "Leave you and the skank you've probably got waiting in the living room." That drawer slammed closed and she braced her hands on the top to steady herself while she tried to get her breathing back to normal. I closed my eyes for a second at the remark. Because that was what she would have been expecting. That's what everyone's expecting.

"You and I both know I came here alone, _querida_," I started.

"_Don't_, call me that, Jesse," She bit out, cutting me off from whatever else I was going to say. Her hand was raised and slicing through the air. I could see her shaking from the effort to control her emotions. "I can't take hearing you say that and you damn well know it," Her breathing was heavy as she tried to stop the tears I knew that were rising in her. She spun around from the dresser so hard it shook again. Some bottles toppling over and rolling to land on the floor with a thump. But she didn't pay them any attention as she roughly raked her hand through her hair.

"How the hell am I supposed to know or believe that, Jesse?" She asked thickly, pacing small tight circles by the bed. "How do I know you haven't slept with countless other girls since we've been together? Since the two weeks we've been apart?" Her voice was catching with rising hysteria and I automatically took a step into the room in answer. "How do I know you haven't said the same name to everyone of them before me?!"

"What do you want me to say Susannah? What do you _need_ me to say, to change all of this?" I asked, my own voice rising with tension. "Do you want me to apologize for them, for the way I was? For the man I used to _be_, before I met you?!" I raked my own hand through my hair and gripped the back of my neck. "Because I can't. I never will be able to, Susannah! It's different with you. It's always _been_ different with you! The word means _nothing_, if it's not spoken to _you_!"

She groaned and crossed her arms over her chest. Refusing to meet my eyes. I dropped my hand from my neck and went to reach out to touch her. "Don't touch me, Jesse!" She whirled around, escaping my outstretched hand. Her eyes pleading as she slowly stepped her way around me, heading for the door. "That's how it always starts. You think with just a touch and a careful whisper into my ear that I'll forget about it. But I won't! Not this time!" Her voice was breaking and it was making me tense with frustration again. That she wasn't listening.

"Tell me what you want, Susannah?" I asked my hands out and open as I looked at her. My voice as pleading as her eyes. "Tell me what you want from me! What I can do, to make this different. Tell me how the hell I'm supposed to save us!" I yelled in desperation.

"I can't!" She screamed back with a sob. The tears breaching the hold and flowing down her cheeks. Her breathing was as heavy as my own as I fought the urge to reach out for her. "I've never been able to, Jesse! Why - why should I have to?" She looked to me for the answers and I had none. I had nothing but Susannah standing in front of me. Her hand worrying at the cuff of her jumper. Her lips trembling as he cheeks flushed with the tears falling unbidden down her cheeks.

"You . . . you told me we're good together, Jesse," She hiccuped. Making her words even more broken and brittle than they already were. "That's what you said when I walked out. That was your answer for why I should have stayed." I closed my eyes against the sting of my own words. The memory of that night coming back to me easily. It was the same one I had been playing through my mind each night. When I go over where it all went wrong. Where I can make it right.

My words had tasteless and empty. I'd given her nothing.

When I opened my eyes, Susannah was gone. Her silhouette wasn't standing in the doorway anymore. We'd switched places, and now Susannah was the one threatening to walk away this time. Only, there wouldn't be a next one. This would be it. I know that, as much as I knew it back then. The little voice telling me Susannah was going to be my downfall. With or without her, she was going to make me give-up.

Swallowing down my fear, I quickly walked out and into the living room. When I caught sight of Susannah making a steady walk for the front door, something snapped inside me. Something broke through, that made me want to stand and watch her leave, to save myself the inevitable that would come with that conclusion. I wanted to look away from the life Susannah was dragging out of the door and pretend like we always do. Crawl back into that hole I'd always been in, but covered with my charm and confidence. I didn't want to acknowledge what we gave each other, or what we took.

But as she gripped that handle and opened the barrier, I realized the anger was stronger. It was there, blinding my vision and making me squint with the intensity of the light. Rapid fire burning through my body as she threatened to walk away. How could she turn her back on me? How could she give up on us so easily? How could she make my hate burn any brighter than it already has?!

"Do you have any idea what it's been like these past two weeks, Susannah?" I called out angrily. The rage tainting my voice made her stop and half turn to me. Her eyes narrowed and scathing as she stared at me in disbelief. "How it feels to come home and not have you here? What it's been doing to me?" I saw a fire flare into her eyes then. Her hand gripped the door so hard I thought it would crack. But all I could see was Susannah. All I wanted to feel over me was her.

She let go of the door and stepped away to face me properly. "What you've felt?" She quietly asked. Her tone was dripping with poison and a barely controlled fury. I knew beneath that fury, was the deepest wound of all. When she bleeds, I bleed. When she hurts, I feel it to. "What do you think _I've_ been doing the past two weeks, Jesse?! What do you think _I've _felt?! I've been like the living dead without you!" She shouted back at me, hot furious tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Do you want to know the one thing that stopped me from coming back here every day? What's making me walk away now? It's the fact that I don't know _how_ you feel Jesse. Because you've never _told_ me!" She whirled around and made to go out the still open front door. But I was quicker.

I crossed the distance before she was even close to going through. My flat palm hit the door hard, whipping it out of her hand and slamming it closed before her. My other hand turning and backing her against the closed door. When her back hit the wood I placed my hands either side of her head and leaned down to her. My eyes burning and flashing as they met her own. She didn't hide anything from me. She was too broken and weak to try anymore. She had been for some time. She took in a shuddering breath when they finally met mine for the first time since I found her here.

I could feel a roiling acid in my stomach from the words sitting on the back of my tongue. I couldn't move them. I couldn't get the words through that Susannah needed from me. They had been there since I asked her what she wanted to hear. They'd been in my mind the night she walked away. They were coming to me, the day I first caught her emerald stare, clashed and trapped with my own. And still I couldn't say what she needed to hear. I couldn't get past the emotion, the weakness and the failure I felt towards Susannah. I couldn't say the words, Susannah was pleading for me to say.

And she saw it. She saw through her own grief, hate and pain, the same of what I was going through. Her eyes softened as I kept her trapped between myself and the door. My nails dug into the wood with frustration. My arms burning from the tense muscles. My anger sat heavy in my chest; even as one of her hands came up to softly lay against my cheek. Her fingers splayed as her eyes darted over my expression. Searching, asking, and pleading to hear it.

I dropped my head to hers. Resting my forehead against Susannah's as I gazed down into her eyes. "_Please_ . . ." The word was nothing more than a breath from her lips to mine. Uttered so quietly, it might not have even been spoken. I tried to believe it hadn't. But one thing I found early on from the fall I'd slowly been tripping into; was that I have never been able to deny Susannah anything. And this was the first time she ever used it against me. The first time she called on that power over me.

I took my head from hers and dropped it to her shoulder. My nose buried in her neck seeking out that trace of her perfume I was craving. Feeling her sigh, with her hand sliding through my hair to the back of my neck. Her other hand lifted from the door and gripped my shirt in her hands. Pulling me marginally closer.

"I love you so much, it physically _hurts_, Susannah," I whispered the words into her neck softly. My breath tickling her sensitive skin and I fought to go on. "When you're not here, I feel hollow and empty. A shadow of who I should be when you're around. I need you so much, I can't _breathe_ without you. It terrifies me how much I need you, _querida_." I picked my head up off her shoulder. Her eyes were shut as the tears dropped down her smooth cheek. My thumb reached out to catch one as I finished. "That's what you have needed to hear all along . . . What I've never told you,"

She nodded silently as she opened her eyes to stare at me. That's all she's ever needed to hear from me. And I never gave it to her. Because I didn't want to admit it to myself.

I brushed my lips across Susannah's. Feeling her shaking breath as her eyes fluttered closed. I moved them from her soft tempting lips to her cheek. Just breathing feather-light kisses over her face. Her eyes, her lips, her hair. Feeling the grip on the back of my neck tighten as she leaned her head against mine. "Stay, _querida_," I murmured pleadingly. I didn't know what I would do if she left me tonight. Not after all I had just said.

"Jesse . . . _don't_,"

Her tone was as desperate as my own. Her heart thumping wildly with mine. Her will slipping, just as much as my own control. After having her missing from my arms for too long, I didn't want to let her go. I couldn't let her escape me again. "Just stay . . . _please_. Let me hold you, _querida_," It was long, agonizing moments before I felt her shuddering breath against me. And longer still, before I heard her faint and simply yes.

I didn't want her to have the chance to change her mind. I took her hand, hearing her bag drop to the floor by the door. Her fingers entwined in mine tight. But loose enough for her to let go and walk away if she wanted. If that was what she thought she could do to us both. She followed me back to our room without hesitation. Pushing the door closed as we passed through. I stopped us at the edge of our bed. My hand released hers as I slipped them beneath her coat and over her shoulders. Pushing the woollen fabric down her arms until it fell to a heap at her feet. She stared up at me with as much longing and fear as I knew I was giving to her.

I cupped her soft beautiful face in my hands and captured her lips with my own. Only applying the smallest of pressure as she whimpered and clung to me. Fresh tears ran down her cheeks and onto our lips. Making me press a little harder as she pulled me closer again. Our kiss was gentle, soothing and heart-breaking. Both trying to memorise the other, like we had been apart for lifetimes rather than days. And when we pulled away breathlessly, I knew I was as shattered and broken as Susannah was.

Taking her hand again, I pulled her over to the bed. Laying us both down on top of the comforter. Susannah still had her shoes on, and I still wore my stained shirt. But I didn't want anymore. I pulled her against me so her back was pressed against my chest. My arms curled around her tight as I dropped my head to her hair. For moments I laid there spooned with Susannah. Relishing the feel of her fitting me perfectly. The softness of her against my hard planes. Listening to the sounds of her breathing as she almost instantaneously dropped into sleep. Her soft sighs' the one thing I missed the most of having her sleep beside me.

Closing my own eyes, I buried my nose in her thick rich hair. Relaxing and knowing I was going to get the best night's sleep I'd had, in the whole time Susannah had been gone. But it was not without one last thought to echo through my mind.

'_We're nothing but fractured souls, trapped in a burning love,_'

* * *

'_If she knew how bad I want to make this work, how my love belongs to her, she wouldn't be able to walk away, If she knew how bad, I got to have her close, if I ever let her go, I wouldn't make it a single day, she would never have to escape __if she knew how bad...'_

* * *


	3. Heaven Help Me

_**A/N: **_For _**Ashes Mercy Tatum**_. I hope you enjoy it, thank you for your patience with me finally writing this. **:)**

* * *

_I could lose my vision, my eyes no longer see; I could lose my religion, in my struggle to believe. Lost without a prayer, somewhere way out there, my soul would turn to dust. Heaven help me, if I ever lose your love..._

* * *

_**Heaven Help Me**_

I stirred before Susannah did. I didn't open my eyes and move straight away. I just slowly let my senses come to me, listening to Susannah's deep warm breathes stirring against the open planes of my skin where my shirt had fallen loose during the night. For a moment I almost thought I was still dreaming full of wishful thinking that I would wake and find Susannah next to me. And a small part of me stayed with my eyes closed, scared she would only be an illusion of my mind sent to teach me more harsh lessons I was getting tired of.

So for a while, I stayed laying with Susannah letting the remnants of the night before seep back to me and remind me all over again, she might not be here for long. She may have been weaker than normal the night before. But I know it won't last if Susannah is determined enough. She's as stubborn as I am. And she was serious about us. About the love and about the pain we seemed to have found ourselves trapped in somehow. The ringing sounds of her shouts were still ringing in my ears, shaking me to consciousness of everything we had been putting ourselves through.

"_Jesse_,"

Susannah's soft sigh, still sound asleep as she snuggled closer to me finally snapped my eyes open to look down at her mussed hair and small smile. And one of my own broke out onto my face. She wasn't awake. She was still deep asleep in fact. This only made my smile waver in those few seconds it took to sink in what that meant. Her one sigh of my name was enough to remind me that she does still want me as much as I want - no _need_ Susannah. Just having her gone in two short weeks was enough to make me realize some things I neglected to acknowledge before.

That I need the dysfunctional relationship we have so much it _hurts_.

I let my eyes wander down her relaxed form where she was burrowed against me. Our legs tangled together where she had turned over during the night both sub-consciously seeking each other out. I know that some very important things have to chance. Some of my flaws have to be sealed over. Our behaviour and rut we've found we carried on too easily needs to be broken and thrown away. I just can't see if that's going to be enough to save us. One night where I had to almost _force_ myself to talk to Susannah isn't enough.

Not for her.

I lifted a hand and softly stroked it down Susannah's mussed hair, enjoying the feel of it running through my fingers. I could have laid there forever just watching her sleep. Where I can stop the charade I show to the world and be the way I am when I'm only around Susannah. I want to hear her say my name while she sleeps beside me. I want to wake first in the mornings and be able to be thankful for the love lying there. I'm tired of the constant fights and bickering. I'm tired of the distrust that has no place being between us when it's unwarranted.

But most of all; I'm tired of never feeling solid with Susannah. No matter how much I hear, know and feel how much she loves me, I need more. _Susannah _deserves more from me to prove that I was serious about us. That I would rather die a thousand deaths than never hear Susannah breathe my name the way she did. And that was the biggest shock of all; realizing what needs to be done.

Slowly pulling away from her I got myself free and eased off the bed, trying not to disturb her from her sleep. I walked across the room and entered the bathroom, quietly closing the door behind me. I shot my dishevelled appearance a glance before doing what I needed to. Brushing my teeth and rinsing off my face. Anything to stall looking at myself and seeing the truth staring back at me in blind reality. I scrubbed my face with a towel and looked up. Seeing the stained shirt and the messy hair.

The guy that has been hanging on by a thread so close to snapping, yet with so far to go.

I shook my head of my thoughts; knowing it's too early for them. That was my excuse. And therein was another problem. My excuses. One after the other. The excuses that prevented me from saying what I should have said. That stopped me from being what the relationship sorely needs. They were just lousy reasons to cover up so much it almost became routine. How and where did it become so complicated?

I just don't know anymore.

I threw the towel onto the edge of the bath and quietly walked back into the bedroom, climbing back onto our bed and to Susannah. She came back to me without waking. Just fit back to my side like I had never moved. Like she had never left. One thing was abundantly clear as I waited for her; I can never let Susannah go again. Just the mere thought of the pain and disconnection I would feel had me pulling her marginally closer to erase the fear.

That was when Susannah started to stir. Her hand that was wrapped around my waist coming up to rub at her eyes. I gently brushed aside the hair in her face, eliciting a small smile in return. Slowly she opened her eyes and looked up at me. Her gaze clear and unguarded at first. Until the previous nights events started to seep through, much like they had with me, and her eyes darkened and dropped from my own.

I tried not to sigh with annoyance at myself when she looked down to stare at the stain on my shirt. Anywhere but directly at me.

"How did you get this?" She asked quietly.

Her finger traced around the edges of the watery mark. Long since dried and probably making the shirt unsalvageable. Not that I particularly cared about a shirt when I had other issues more important. But I knew it wasn't going to be as easy as I thought it would. No matter how much I had some small slithering of hope. There was going to be a lot of soul bearing on my part.

And it was going to be painful.

I cleared my throat and went back to fingering the ends of her hair. "Some idiot spilled there drink down me last night at the club. He was too drunk to know what he was doing." Not that it stopped me from going up against him so caught in my blind fury with myself. "How long were you here for before I came home?" I asked, stalling for time so she wouldn't realize anything much had really changed overnight.

Susannah is the first and last person who will ever make me beg and change who I am. I would and could never do it for anyone else. Just like I have never loved or known you could love a person as much as I do Susannah. With a level of bitterness and resentment we feel towards each other for the things we have changed and suppressed in us both always there running beneath it.

"Not long. I wasn't expecting you home yet. If at all," She murmured quietly, pulling away to untangle our legs and fall onto her back; looking up at the ceiling.

"What am I doing here, Jesse?" She asked, shaking her head slightly in bewilderment. "Why did I let you sweet-talk me again when we both know it's just going to end up a disaster?" I furrowed my brows when she turned her head to glance at me once before looking back to the ceiling. "I wanted to hear what you said so badly last night. It's all I've wanted to hear for too long. And it hurt, right here – " She rubbed over her heart where my own pain was still aching from the night before. " – when you finally said it."

"But are things going to change now? Does one-night making up for years of nothing?" She asked, before sighing dejectedly. "I just don't know anymore."

"It's never been nothing, _querida_," I answered determinedly, reaching out to take her hand. Even as my head called for me to accept it and go back to the way I was before. Take the open door and use it. Go back to living a bachelor life where I have no cares and no-one to consider besides myself. And the one thing holding me steadfastly in place beside Susannah was that I didn't _want_ to go back to that. Not after experiencing what I could have.

No matter how much it seems as though it's never going to work.

"I know – " I stopped and cleared my throat again, warring with myself to speak and say what I thought and felt for once. No more brushing it off and pretending that I was un-phased. I owed Susannah far more than that. "I know it's not always been easy. There are a lot of things we –_ I_ could have done differently and didn't. But it wasn't for nothing," I punctuated it by gripping her hand tight, her eyes watching me. "It will never be for nothing, Susannah. We've lost and gained too much for that."

"Sometimes that's just not enough, Jesse."

She let go of my hand and sat up to get off the bed. I stayed where I was, watching her as she walked across to our bathroom quietly closing the door behind her. For a few seconds I just closed my eyes and took a deep breath trying to keep my anger in check. Not just with myself, but with Susannah too. How it felt as though she was shooting everything I'd just said down in flames. Somewhere deep in my mind I recognized she had every right too. Just like I had every right to be angry. I was taking fault for a lot of things. Most I should be for.

But some that Susannah should accept too.

I sat up myself, one leg dangling off the side of the bed while I waited for her to come out of the bathroom. Eventually she did, her hair back in place and her face flushed looking brighter more awake than before. She stayed standing at the door just watching me watching her. Neither made a move and neither of us said anything. I knew what I wanted to say. What I wanted to do. Until finally I said it, my eyes fixed and shocking her.

"Do you not think I don't want to go back to the lifestyle I had before I met you Susannah? Back to the life I resent you for taking away from me?"

Her eyes flashed and she bit down on her lower lip, keeping back whatever her angry retort was. It occurred to me I was falling back into an old habit of confrontation with her. Picking an argument. But my question was pitched just as that. A question, not an angry flare of accusation that she had taken it for. Seconds before she took me in properly, noticing my casual tone and heavy shoulders I was trying not to let drag me down.

"The life _you_ resent _me_ for taking away?" She asked caustically, walking over to stand by the bed again.

"What about the things _I_ was expecting but have never had, Jesse? All the things I wanted, was _hoping_ I would get but never have? There's such a thing as free-will, you could have walked away when-ever you wanted. Just like I could but was too foolish not to do. Because somewhere in there, I still held out that you would show more of the man I fell in love with, instead of the man you've _become_."

"The man I've become because of you, you mean?" I retorted, getting up from the bed to walk over to our closet and throwing open the doors, pulling my shirt over my head and tossing it to the floor. "Whether you can see it or not, Susannah, I _am_ that man you held out I would be. And that's my problem. It's that side of me I hate for taking over the way it has. The side that has made me try and push you away only to pull you closer at the same time."

I turned around to look at Susannah, locking eyes with her. Realizing even as I said what I had been keeping locked down for too long, that it was the truth.

"Why have you always seen that part of yourself as a weakness?" She questioned quietly, sitting down on the bed, the fight gone from her. Her eyes skimming down the naked parts of my body. I turned away from that look, closing my eyes and clenching my jaws against the desire flaring to life from her glance I'd gone too long without. "I don't understand it, Jesse. It's a strength and probably one of few things that has kept us going for so long. Why do you keep trying to deny that?"

I opened my eyes and reached out for a black tank shirt on a hanger in front of me, roughly pulling it on before I leaned forward to rest my hands on the doorframe, bowing my head at her question.

I went to speak but found the words caught in my throat. I tense when I heard her sigh, obviously expecting me to give in and ignore it like I would have done before. But that was then. And this is now. When I'm faced with the prospect of turning around again and finding her not there. Where the fight is gone and the fire has dimmed from my suppressed emotions. I don't want to see that fire go out in her eyes.

I don't want to feel it die between us.

I took a deep breath and spoke so low I wouldn't have been surprised if she couldn't hear me. "Because I never knew weakness before you, _querida_,"

It felt as though the words were being wrenched from the deepest parts of my soul clawing there way out. Determined and stubbornly refusing to admitting to something I have never openly expressed before. Never as a child when I was afraid of the closet monster. As a freshman going off to college. And never as a man facing the fear of a love withering and walking away, never coming back.

Because where that fear came from that my words were pulled from, was where I shoved all the things I would never admit. Not to anyone and not _for_ anyone. Susannah is the only person who could make me do a lot of things. Least of all this. And she is the only thing that was making me say it now with a bitter taste to my mouth at the possibilities of the pain and wounds that could come of it if I didn't.

And then that weakness would only grow worse and never heal or have protection that Susannah could give.

She was silent, allowing me to push myself forward, saying more. "Everything about you makes me feel weak and vulnerable. Because no matter what you say to me, good or bad, it makes me feel . . . It always seems like I can do anything. And sooner or later that addiction won't have a cure anymore." I pulled myself up and scrubbed a hand down my face wearily. Stepping away from the closet I turned back to Susannah.

She nodded slowly, taking in what I had just said.

"The only reason you won't have that cure is if you keep pushing me away, Jesse. There's only so much I can take, no matter how much it's breaking my heart to think about leaving and not looking back." She dropped her head as her voice caught, running a hand through her loose hair and letting it slip through her fingers to cascade back down around her shoulders. "You're not the only one who wants things back from the past without letting this go. But I can't see any other way."

Only I could.

And I had to get past all the old habits and thoughts racing through my mind at the prospect. And I was tired of listening to them! I pushed away from the closet doors and dropped to Susannah's feet, crouching before her and taking her hands in mine. She looked startled at my sudden reaction. I would have been lying if I didn't say I wasn't startled and frightened myself and I tried to keep my hands from shaking where I held hers. But I kept my gaze from slipping. I dredged up every ounce of confidence I have and pushed it forward.

"Let's get married then." I said meaningfully.

Her eyes went wide and surprised before she snorted and gave me a skewed expression. "Be serious, Jesse. You and marriage, they just don't go. That was one thing I _didn't_ expect from you when it was clear I was falling for you. Being in a relationship is one thing; you can walk away with no ties no extra baggage. Marriage in the real world isn't like that Jesse. This isn't a fairytale, trust me I know."

She tried to pull her hands free but I wouldn't let her, which drew her back to staring at me bewildered again.

"I am being serious, _querida,_" I smiled, gaining confidence the more she dismissed the idea. I was looked up to for my confidence and ability to sweet-talk my way in and out of any moment. Only this time it meant so, so much more. And I was determined to prove that to Susannah. "Do what you didn't expect, make an honest man out of me. Take away the only thing that is making me want to hold on to the past; the ability to walk away. Stop me from holding onto something I can't have and help me build the life we _can_ have together."

"Jesse . . . This doesn't sound like you at all – "

"Susannah, I haven't been me since you walked out of that door two weeks ago!" I exclaimed laughing shakily dropping a hand to trace it down her cheek tenderly. "I know things between us need to change. And I want to do that. I'm not asking you as a means to an end. I'm not doing it and planning on going back to the way things were before. I know that's what you're most afraid of and I'm _sorry_ I put that fear there," I solemnly continued, watching her downcast her eyes telling me I was right. "But I want this. It's you Susannah or no-one."

She leant forward to rest her head to mine, looking down at me. "Jesse, I don't think getting married is the answer. There are things I want to do with my life still. I want to go travelling and see the world! I want to do all the things I've dreamed of. And one-day - I want a family, Jesse. Children with someone who wants them too! Are you really telling me you want all those things?"

"If they make you happy, then yes," I answered unhindered, making Susannah sigh and pull away again.

"Susannah I'm not saying these things to pacify you! I'm stubborn enough to tell you what I do and don't want, you know that. If I didn't want these things with you, I would tell you. We can go travelling together to see and do all things you want to do. They're your dreams I took away from you over the years. And I'm prepared to make up for them now, if you'll let me. And children . . . _Querida_ I'll be honest, I never wanted children. They never even entered my mind.

Not until I started imagining my life with _you_."

"I can't believe this," She said, shaking her head and laughing a little shocked and over-whelmed. "It takes the threat of me walking out the door after years of passion and pain for you to finally admit all this to me. What seems wrong with that picture, Jesse?"

And she was right of course. I already knew this.

"Susannah if I apologized every-day for the next few years it probably wouldn't be enough. I know that. But, I'm only human. I'm flawed and I always have been; even from the start. I've made more than enough mistakes in the past and you and I both know this relationship worked both ways with its deterioration. I will take the blame for my part, if you can take the blame for yours. And we move on together. Put it behind us and forget about it,"

I ran my thumb over her lips, my eyes expressive and open to anything that she would give me. Good or bad, I had nothing else to lose anymore. "I'd be stupid not to know this isn't all going to change straight away, but I'm willing to try. For the sake of my sanity, Susannah, I am willing to make us work if you are."

She looked at me for endless seconds, capturing my hand as it fell back to her lap. Tears sparkled in her eyes where she had been trying to hold them back the whole time I spilled my soul at her feet. Where I laid myself bare and allowed her to do what I had done to us both in the past and hurt us more. The rest was upon Susannah. I had never spoken and said all the things I said to her before. Never gave them time to make a full thought. And part of me felt invigorated and lighter for it.

While the rest laid heavily on what she would do.

"I know you're not all to blame Jesse. I could have stopped it near the beginning and walked away before we got this far. But I never could. Just like I can't sit here and not love you even more for what you just said. Everything it feels like I've been waiting forever for," She whispered, leaning forward to brush her lips across mine fleetingly. "But I can't give you a definite answer yet. We need to decide if this is definitely something we want. I'm not going to rush into it."

I nodded, a huge sense of relief flooding over me. That she wasn't walking away, but she wasn't making the decision lightly either.

"I can wait, _querida_," I said, getting up to my feet and bringing Susannah up to hers. "I'll wait for you for as long as it takes."

Susannah stepped forward, wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me with as much fervour, passion and relief as I was feeling, happily returning it in kind. Two weeks of not being able to touch or feel Susannah had driven me half mad. And having her back in my arms where I never planned on letting her get away again, it felt _right_. Everything about the way I spent the every moment cherishing and becoming familiar with Susannah all over again, had never felt more right then it had then.

I never wanted something to work as much as I did between Susannah and myself. I can never lose her. I can never live without her. And I told and showed her as much in every way I could for as long as I could. Never taking Susannah or us for granted again.

* * *

_I've traded my innocence, for the secrets of the night, felt my calloused conscience, lose its grip on wrong and right. So hold me close again, tell me it won't end, and that will be enough. Heaven help me, if I ever lose your love..._

* * *


End file.
